Should You Be More Realistic?

Your Reality Is What You Believe

Many people think change is impossible, believing that life is fixed and unchangeable. My mother, a self-proclaimed realist, held this view. She saw life as predetermined and discouraged dreams, not out of malice but because she believed she was protecting me from disappointment. However, realism often serves as a self-fulfilling prophecy, reinforcing the status quo rather than challenging it.

Your Brain Shapes Your World

Science reveals that our perception of reality is largely an illusion. We think we see the world as it is, but our brains only process about 1% of what’s around us. The rest is filled in based on past experiences, beliefs, and expectations. This means that what we consider "real" is a projection of our own thoughts. Two people in the same room may experience completely different realities because their brains interpret the world uniquely. Even color is not an objective truth but a perception shaped by the brain.

This explains why some people accomplish extraordinary feats while others see limitations. My partner, for instance, rowed 2,500 miles across the Pacific alone at age 62. To me, that level of endurance is unimaginable. Yet, for her, it was just another challenge. Likewise, while I enjoy spy movies as fantasy, real spies exist, living in a world vastly different from mine.

Breaking Free from Self-Imposed Limits

Just as elite athletes, adventurers, and spies create their own realities, so do we—often unconsciously. Many people shape a reality where they struggle financially, suffer from poor health, or feel unworthy of love. These circumstances aren’t necessarily fate but are reinforced by deeply ingrained beliefs. If you can’t even imagine yourself in a loving relationship, you’re unlikely to experience one.

Change Requires Being "Unrealistic"

When you understand that your brain constructs reality, you realize you have a choice. You can either accept the limitations your mind imposes or break free by shifting your beliefs. Real change comes from refusing to accept things as they are. Successful people challenge norms and think beyond what seems possible.

If you want love, joy, or success, you must first believe it’s possible. Writing your List—the vision of the life and love you desire—requires dreaming big. If your goals don’t excite you, they won’t generate the energy needed to bring them to life. Settling for what seems "realistic" keeps you stuck in the same patterns.

Expand Your Perspective

Reality is not fixed; it is shaped by what you choose to believe. If you want a different life, you must adopt a new mindset, one that allows for possibilities beyond your current experience. The world you want already exists—it’s just waiting for you to see it.