Should You Be More Realistic?

Your Reality Is What You Believe

Many people think change is impossible, believing that life is fixed and unchangeable. My mother, a proud, self-proclaimed "realist", held this view. She discouraged my high-flying dreams, not out of malice but because she believed she was protecting me from disappointment. However, this type of "realism" can become a prison of self-fulfilling prophecy, reinforcing the status quo rather than challenging it.

Your Brain Shapes Your World

Science reveals that our perception of reality is largely an illusion. We think we see the world as it is, but neuroscience tell us that our senses lie and our brains interpret the world according to our pre-established beliefs and opinions. Two people in the same room may experience completely different realities because their brains interpret the world uniquely. This means that what we consider "real" is largely a projection of our own thoughts - which also have very little to do with us. Think about it - do you carefully create your thoughts or do they just sort of "pop up", completely unbidden?

This explains why some people accomplish extraordinary feats while others see only limitations. My partner, for instance, rowed 2,500 miles across the Pacific, alone and unassisted - and at age 62! To me, that level of endurance (and insanity!) makes my hair curl. It is simply unimaginable for me. Yet, for her, it was just another challenge in a log line of unimaginale and insane challenges.

I enjoy watching spy movies. They are a fun distraction but of course, they are purely fantasy. Yet there are thousands of people in this world who really live that kind of life. They risl life and limb in the service of their governments and never, ever get to live a normal life as a result.

Breaking Free from Self-Imposed Limits

Elite athletes, adventurers, and even spies live in their own realities - and so do we—often unconsciously. Many people shape a reality where they struggle financially, suffer from poor health, or feel unworthy of love. These circumstances are not fate but they become real, influenced by deeply ingrained beliefs. If you can’t even imagine the possibility of yourself in a loving relationship, you’re unlikely to experience one.

Change Requires Being "Unrealistic"

When you understand that your reality is a construct of your brain, you have a choice. You can either accept the limitations your mind imposes or break free by shifting your beliefs. Settling for what seems "realistic" keeps you stuck in the same old patterns. Sure, it's safe. You won't get hurt and you won't get disappointed. But you also ensure - and I mean make absolutely 100% certain - that nothing can ever change for you. Real change can only happen when you refuse to accept things as they appear to you. Successful people challenge norms and think beyond what seems possible - that's why they're successful.

If you want love, joy, or success, you must, at the very least first believe they are possible. Writing your List of the qualities of your soulmate—the vision of the life and love you desire—requires dreaming big. If your goals don’t excite you, they can’t generate the energy required to bring them to life.

Expand Your Perspective

Reality is not as you think it is. Certainly it is not fixed. Instead, it is shaped by what you choose to believe. If you want a different life, you must adopt a different mindset, one that allows for new possibilities beyond your current experience. The world you want already exists—it’s just waiting for you to see it.