In this episode of Insights by Marni I want to answer a question I get all the time and that is “How can I improve this relationship?”
Most often this refers to a relationship with a significant other but very often it is the relationship with a teenager. Or it can be a work situation – a relationship with a colleague or a scary boss. The point is that what I am about to tell you works for all types of relationships because all those relationships have one thing in common: You!
With Iceberg Principles we always look at Truth first. We go to what we know for sure to establish a baseline and get a clear perspective of the issue at hand. With relationships that can be a sticky wicket. What is the truth? Who is right? Who is wrong? That is sort of the crux of the problem here, isn’t it? Everyone thinks they are right. Everyone sees things from their point of view and wants to defend his or her position.
With The Iceberg Principles, however, we go all the way back to Universal Truth which is that in this Universe in which we live everything we see is a reflection of our own beliefs and perceptions. This is the basis for the Law of Attraction. Your overriding energy is reflected in your life experience.
So how does that apply to your relationships? It means that everything you are complaining about; everything that is bugging you in that relationship has to be within you first. It is your own perceptions that are reflected back to you. That’s why two people can be standing right next to each other and one see a beautiful world and the other thinks the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
Does that mean that you’re only imagining the problem? No! In this universe your perception become your actual reality. It also means that by becoming aware of the phenomenon you can change your life in a very real way.
The point to remember is that if it is bugging you it has to be in you. It is almost like you have to speak a language in order to understand what’s going on. If you don’t speak the language doesn’t matter what anyone is saying to you – it goes right over your head. You could say that you have to speak the language of this problem in order to be hurt by it.
Concretely, this means that if for example you complain that your partner is neglecting you; what is being reflected is your own self-neglect. If you boss is not valuing your contributions what is mirrored is your own insecurity about your self worth.
So what does that mean for your relationships? That it is pointless to blame others for what is going on. They are not the problem no matter how much it appears that way. It is pointless to try to change their mind – it’s your mind that needs changing. You can’t change other people anyway. They resent it and it solves nothing. The only person you have control over is yourself. It is your own reflection you are seeing.
So how can you then change your relationships? Stop!
Stop arguing. Stop fighting? Stop grumbling. Start being more loving.
You are made from love. It is at the core of your being. It costs you nothing to be more loving because you have more than enough love inside you to give away.
You may not want to – but that’s your ego talking – look for future Insights for more on the tricks the ego plays on you and why.
You have the ability to to be kinder. It costs you nothing to be more generous. You don’t have to give ‘air time’ to every nasty thought that comes out of your head. I promise you that you won’t explored if you keep them to yourself. Be more loving instead – and then watch how your relationships changes dramatically!
If you are in a bad one, a truly abusive situation, something will happen and that relationship will come to an end. It will go away somehow because you are no longer an energetic match to it. If you are in an important relationship that is meant to be in your life watch how the other person is suddenly more loving, more appreciative, more respectful, kinder.
Because – again – you are experiencing a reflection of yourself. When you are more loving, more love is what you get in return. This, in a nutshell is how you improve any relationship.
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Thank you for watching and I will see you soon.